I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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