I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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