she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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