8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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