Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize