the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
