you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was confusing and full of hummus
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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