She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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