yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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