im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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