I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize