you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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