I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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