I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
