Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
