i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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