a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
