On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
