I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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