dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
