best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
