Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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