I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
