She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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