Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
