every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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