Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
