I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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