I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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