they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
