I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
