In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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