We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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