Sry I called you an 8
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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