Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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