There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
