last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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