I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
