She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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