Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
