i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
