it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
