I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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