Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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