Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
