your thong is hanging out like whoa
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
