Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
