well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
