Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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