The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
