OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
