The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
