lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
