What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
