I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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