It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
