Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
