don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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