Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
