the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize