I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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