my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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