Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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