If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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