I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
