my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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